You jokes

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.

A man gets captured by cannibals.

Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."

DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.

What did the teacher say to the student?

Orange you glad to see me?

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat, you get fat.

What? Were you expecting a pi joke?

So, a guy walks into a gas station and walks to the person working and says, "Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky?" So she gets him one, and then he says, "No, I want a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch!"

What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?

Mashed potatoes.

Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.

Only Fortnite players will get it.

Where do you get salt water? Salty Springs.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Disabled.

Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty-three times.

What is green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls from a tree? A pool table.

What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?

So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."

Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.

So my best friend’s boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a ‘single’ joke. Then she said, "Go and f***ing die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF I will break his body for you. Happy now?"

She said, "Sniff, yes."

So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"

She said, "*sniff* yes."

- Hey, are you single?

- No, I'm album.