A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
You Jokes
What do you call dynamite on steroids? - High Explosive.
How do you cook macaroni? With a shark-spoon-a-rooni!
I would have told you a cheesy pun, but it was too cheesy. *picks up cheeses*
Hey Jonny, you can buy a...
Pun o' chips at the store!
What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing?
Dead mooves.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
Yahahlmsyw.
That stand for:
You are has a whole, let me show you why.
Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?
Because it says "B Positive!"
If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?
What do you call a cow with three legs?
My ex.
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
What do you call a chicken that was cared for? A tendered chicken.
What did the American say to the Russian?
"Why are you always Russian?"
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn red? Depends on how hard you throw them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends how hard you can throw them.
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.