You jokes
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.
What do you call a clock on a belt?
A waist of time.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well, he’s all right now!
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Check out my YouTube Channel! (Gamer Zacoo01).
What do you say to Stephen Hawking when he dies?
"Rust in pieces!"
What is the reason for the first time since I've seen a lot to be desired in the morning? To you, eat ass...
What do you call a girl that likes reading? Page.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
What do you call a Black person flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist!
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?
A spicket fence!
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
I'm not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.
How do you get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
WTF is wrong with you guys? This is bullying. Stop it, please, but Shaenaya sounds like a good name.