You jokes

Stop joking about suicide, it's not funny. You people must be so ignorant to be able to joke about such serious issues that you clearly are uneducated on.

Jimmy: Your mom is gay.

Me: No, you.

Jimmy: I have no mom.

What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much?

Nose-less.

What did one statue say to another statue? "Hey! Is that you?"

So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"

Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?

A: Lazy bones.

How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.

What do you call a smart egg? An egghead.

That was an egg-cellent joke!

Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"

billie: hi.

me: You wanna hear a story?

billie: Yes, sure.

me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.

What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.

How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.

How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.

What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

You know bins????

They're trash!

What do you call a mosquito in your language?

We don't call them, they just come and bite.

So, the sea is on a computer but doesn't know how to search, so the computer said to the sea, "Search!"

Do you get it? SEArch.

What do you call an octopus with a hat?

An octopus with a hat, of course.

How do you get a clown off your swing?

You shoot it.