You jokes

If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?

What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.

You know sex is better than logic, but I could've proved it...

How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.

What do you call the worst joke teller of all time?

Ben or Chris?

What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other?

LEAN BEEF!

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.

I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!

Bro, wait, are cannibals real, though?

Anyway, my joke is if you eat yourself, are you a cannibal?

Think about it, lol. Haha.

If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

You also can't breathe if you die.

So why isn't it debreathiation?

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

What did the cake say to the fork?

"Do you want a piece of me!!!"

What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?

"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."

What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?

If you throw them, they both will never come back.

What do you call a man with a curly toe?

Carlito.

How do you turn the Roman numeral IX (9) to a six?

Add the "S."

Do you think Stephen Hawking could ever plug his Instagram or anything?

Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation.