A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!
Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!
Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*
Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
How do you spot an English man in Quebec?
A square head.
When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.
I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.
I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
What do you call an orphan? Batman.
A mom says to her son: "Hey, can you wave to that deaf kid over there?"
The son: "I don't know, can I?"
The mom: "May you?"
The son: "No, I don't have any arms!"
Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
Q: What do you call a clean idiot?
A: Soap on a Dope.
Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy do you know what he said....... get your paws off 💩💩💩
This whole page is pure trash. Fuck all of you.
Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.
What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!
What is you you?
