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A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.

The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"

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    • There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?

    The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!

    I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.

    Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?

    Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.

    Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.

    What did the first rape victim say to the second rape victim?

    "You are a consequence of rape!"

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    • Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!

    Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.

    Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!

    Sans: Yea bro.

    Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.

    Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"

    In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested.

    In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.

    What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?

    Long John Silvers or Captain D's.

    Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?

    Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.

    Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!

    Teacher: Where’s the P?

    Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

    A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"