The mirror says: if you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck.
The Magic Jewel says: if you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck.
The condom just sitting there laughing.
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right? And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I'm positive. This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!" "Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970 and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband. She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband. He was a christian so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? the bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes it does and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? Thats not funny.
I'll tell ya whats funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
You know every time we think of sex an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
I was laughing my ass off when the 12 year old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival 🤣🤣🤣
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books, Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining
I went scuba diving last year. It was fun but at the end I ran out of oxygen. It was a breathtaking experience.
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning? It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning, he ate 12 year old nuts and a 13 year old wiener
A news headline read: A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight He was in the infantry