Year jokes

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.

The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.

My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.

"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

What do you call an 18 year old orphan?

Homeless.

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.

What is the difference between Drake and Carrie Underwood?

Carrie Underwood kissed a 12-year-old boy on the lips.

In memory of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as various places, is introducing the Jackson Dog. A 50 year old sausage between a 9 year old bun.

My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."

I said, "You wanna bet?"

Bam, a gunshot!

The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.

My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."

The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"

My mom said, "I took your advice."

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.

What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?

That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.

The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."

Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.

Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.

After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.

Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"

The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."

In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.

"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"

"Cancer."