My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
Year Jokes
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
👱♀️ 👱♂️What is the difference between two blondes and a Libertarian?
A Libertarian hasn't won a presidential election since 1972, and two blondes are too stupid to run in a presidential election.
What Costco food is associated with Michael Joseph Jackson?
The Jackson dog. It's 49-year-old sausage between 6-year-old buns.
Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?
Because there were only 20 of them.
Why does Michael Jackson like 44-year-olds? There's 4 of them.
My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.
When you're 34, it'll be 420 months before you turn 69 years old.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.
The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
