Writing jokes

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

Teacher's pen is RED, our pen is BLUE, she is marking an EGG on my marksheet, left with questions and no CLUE.

They're not jokes, they're notes now, get me?

I am in trouble.

Jo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn't fit!

My son got in trouble for writing the following underneath the question “Do aliens exist?”

“Of course they do! They live in Mexico!”

Spell "I cup."

I C U P

If this gets 10 comments (I don't care about likes) I will write a four page essay and post it, and it's up to you guys what it's about.

Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

Want to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tearable.

What are you willing to write in your notebook? These nuts.

Eschew obfuscation.

I sat down and wrote a joke.

What do you call a pointless pencil? Never mind, it’s so pointless.

Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”

No? Shame, it was real fun.

You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.

A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.

When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!

Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it's pointless!

What did the pencil say to the other pencil?

Your looking sharp!