Writing jokes

Jo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn't fit!

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”

No? Shame, it was real fun.

A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.

When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!

You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.

What did the rapper say to his broken pencil?

"You're just not SHARP enough for my lyrics!"

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

Hi, I...

Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.

Finish the sentence.

Salt and Vi.....

Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.

Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.

What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.

So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

I wrote a song about tortillas...

Actually, it's more of a wrap.

The previous joke was by Sebastian Wittrock, but he put Miguel Roberts as the name.

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?

That's okay. There is really no point to it.

As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.

The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.

He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.

Two sentence horror stories go.

Why can't blondes write comments on the jokes on this site?

Because they don't know what 2 X 4 is.

I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.

I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."