Writing jokes
What did the math teacher write on his party invitations?
Be there or B2.
Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.
Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First.
Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes.
Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player.
Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze.
Oh God By Dixie Rect.
Please Don't Stop By Craven Moorehead.
Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous.
Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang.
How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus.
Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry.
The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers.
I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.
What do you call a sharpened pencil? You call a sharpened pencil a sharpened pencil.
Paper.
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
What do pigs and ink have in common?
They both go in a pen.
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
What is the difference between a comma and a period?
A comma gives you a pause, but a period gives you sleep.
Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?
I wrote a song about tortillas...
Actually, it's more of a wrap.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Look at me again,
It will be the end of you.
Why can't blondes write comments on the jokes on this site?
Because they don't know what 2 X 4 is.
How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
My name is Mike Oxmaul, and my friend's name is Hugh Janus!
My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!