Writing Jokes

What did the pencil say to the other pencil?

Your looking sharp!

Me: Knock knock.

Friend: Who's there?

Me: A broken pencil.

Friend: A broken pencil who?

Me: Nevermind, it's pointless.

I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Pencil.

Pencil who?

Oh, never mind, it's pointless.

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

Spider-Man and Deadpool are sitting at desks in a classroom. Spider-Man is writing on his test with a pen. Deadpool is writing with scissors. There is text that reads: "Pssst, spidey, what'd you get for number seven?" "Dude, shut up! I don't wanna get in trouble!" "I got Waterloo." "This is a math test!" Are we not going to talk about the fact that deadpool is writing with scissors.

Hi, I...

Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.

Finish the sentence.

Salt and Vi.....

Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.

I wrote a song about tortillas...

Actually, it's more of a wrap.

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?

That's okay. There is really no point to it.

The previous joke was by Sebastian Wittrock, but he put Miguel Roberts as the name.

As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.

The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.

He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.