Work jokes

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.

When you are stressing from homework, just do some skateboarding and kick butt.

Kid: Dad, where do you work?

Dad: I.C.U.P.

Kid: HAHAHAH!!!! See you pee.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.

I get paid more than $200 to $400 per hour for working online. I heard about this job 3 months ago, and after joining this, I have earned easily $30k from this without having online working skills. Simply give it a shot on the accompanying site...

Here is I started.............>> fixpay1.blogspot.com

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

What did the builder say after the foundation?

"Employees!"

"I'd love to give everyone another shot."

Harry, 26, works at the women's clinic.

Q: What's the best part about working at an abortion clinic?

A: You don't have to buy dog food.

Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?

Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance.

What do women and appliances have in common?

If they don't work, hit them until they work.

Yo Mama is so dumb, she works best when she is unemployed.

By recruiting sponsors, they help them find work in their first year.

My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job.