Word jokes

What is a gay person's favorite book?

The dictionary.

Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."

The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."

Spell Mississippi.

M-I-S-S-I-P-P~

Haha you said pp.

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."

What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."

How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣

"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.

My girlfriend called me pedophile today.

Big word for a 12-year-old.

Did you know that the F in orphan means family?

There's no F in orphan?

Exactly.

Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”

I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

Literally every movie:

"I love you." "I love you, too."

My life:

My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

What is a leaf mixed with mud called? Ligma.

Ligma balls!

Say "crack my finger" backwards.