What is a leaf mixed with mud called? Ligma.
Ligma balls!
Did you know that the "f" in "orphans" means family?
I will never forget my grandfather's last words:
"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
The F in orphan stands for family.
Wait, there is no F. (F)
Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.
Teacher: Okay class, what's a word that begins with A?
Student: Apple!
Teacher: Good! What's a word beginning with B?
Student:....Bitch...
What is the giant's synonyms?
Fi, fo, fum.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What is another word for a bagel? 🥯
Jewish doughnut ✡️ 🍩👏 👏 👍 👍 👌 👌 💪 💪 😋 🏆 🎖
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Suicide.
Suicide who?
Suicide you.
You're so awesome that the word 'awesome' demanded its title back!
Spell IHOP, now say 'ness' at the end... 😂 ...I ate your penis!
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
Why isn’t the word “orphan” spelled with an “f” instead of “ph?” Because that “f” stands for “family,” and the word “orphan” doesn’t have a family.
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
