Word jokes

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny's papers, she asked why he put the word "bank" in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word bank and that's one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”

Dear Autocorrect, I never wanted to spell the word "bigger".

Who read the most words?

911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.

I will always remember my dad's last words....

"15 dollars and I'll jump."

I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...

Allahu Akbar!

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?

In the U.K., it's a swear word.

In America, it's a family reunion.

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."

What's an emo's favorite game?

Hangman.

What starts with "E" and ends with "G"?

Everything.

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

"How would you describe yourself in three words?"

"Lazy!"

Teacher: Okay class, what's a word that begins with A?

Student: Apple!

Teacher: Good! What's a word beginning with B?

Student:....Bitch...

What were the Fortnite kid's last words? "I didn't know pumps are back in the game!"

A girl tried 77.34 (77.34) times to think of a word opposite of BYE. Then her brother divided the word BYE. 77.34 divided by 100. TRY IT!!

What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.