Woman jokes

A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."

An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.

The man says, "Will you move your dog?"

The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.

The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"

What’s another name for cumming in a woman?

Loading the dishwasher.

Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.

Women: Can I have your number?

Jesus: No.

Women: Why? Are you scared?

Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.

Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.

Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?

Who cares?

What’s the difference between a woman that doesn’t belong in the kitchen and Bigfoot?

Bigfoot is real.

Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?

They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.

He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.

He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.

Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."

There was a woman. She is property. Ha, sucks for that dishwasher.

I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.

Why are women like diapers?

They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.

What do you call a strong, independent girl in Haryana?

Dead.

There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:

Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.

Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.

These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.

Only Ninety's kids know about this.

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

Yo mama's so fat, she used a telephone pole as a tampon.

How do you tell when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"

What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish store?

"Hello Ladies!"