Woman jokes
How many genders are there? One: Men! Women are property!
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
What’s another name for cumming in a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.
Women: Can I have your number?
Jesus: No.
Women: Why? Are you scared?
Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?
Who cares?
What’s the difference between a woman that doesn’t belong in the kitchen and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot is real.
What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?
The tornado siren doesn't get raped.
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.
He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.
He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.
Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"
The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."
There was a woman. She is property. Ha, sucks for that dishwasher.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.
What do you call a strong, independent girl in Haryana?
Dead.
Why are women like diapers?
They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.