Woman jokes
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬
What is the reason for why women never look to the right?
Because they don't have any rights.
Women are like tornadoes.
They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.
What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?
You are so butty-ful!
I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.
What does a woman call Stormzy in bed?
Stiff chocolate.
What do cannibals think when they see a pregnant woman?
"Kinder Egg surprise."
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?
Women were flying the plane.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
What do you call an emo girl with a flat chest?
A cutting board.
Why do women get periods?
Just cancel the subscription.
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
A woman.
Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Fat women can't walk, but on 9/11, they ran.
Alright, what do you call a blank piece of paper?
Women's rights.
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.