Woman jokes

Gays: I like men.

Straights: I like women.

Russia: Hole is hole.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.

Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?

Their knees.

If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"

What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?

They both kidnap Canadian women!

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

Why do trans women go by she/her?

Because if they went by her/she, they'd be Hershey's.

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

Woman: "What's the bad news?"

Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"

Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

Dr: "It's dead!"

I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."

Why are women’s feet so small?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!

Why do women like Pac-Man so much?

How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?

Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

Who was the most successful transgender and transracial person in history?

Michael Jackson. He grew up a poor, black boy, and died a rich, white woman.

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."

Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."

Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."

Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."