Woman jokes
I like my women how I like my cigars: 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
What's better, a woman or a man?
Neither, for I am WHITE.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.
Gays: I like men.
Straights: I like women.
Russia: Hole is hole.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Without other people's dicks in it.
Why do women fart when they pee? To blow dry.
Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!
Women, go chop some lumber!
White people, get back into the cotton fields!
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
Did you hear about the woman who couldn't stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years in a basement.
Once, a mother worked in an orphanage as a cooker. She had a son and a daughter—twins.
When she was going to her work, she decided to take the twins with her. They were happy, they got ready and played with other children while their mother was cooking for other kids. Then, a poor family entered the orphanage. They said they wanted to adopt twins. As soon as they saw the children playing, they noticed the woman's kids. They said they wanted to adopt them. The manager said they weren't orphans, but before he said it, a teacher accidentally gave them to the poor family under the names of Layla and Logan. The kids were Kyle and Kayla. They went away with their new children, but the kids cried, they said they weren't orphans and that their mother was in the orphanage, cooking. The poor family didn't believe, they thought it was the children's reaction of getting adopted. The woman went outside of the kitchen, she didn't see her children. She asked the teacher... And when she found out, she screamed and ran outside. She was running at the poor family, when they thought she was a psychopath and wanted to kill them.
When Kyle and Kayla looked back, they saw their mother. They swung their hands so the poor family could let them away. They ran to their mother and hugged her. The poor family got shocked and called the cops. But the mother, she showed the documents and her parent rights. This all explains the worst joke, "Yo Momma Lost Ya."
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
Why is life like penises?
Women make it hard.
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."
Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the sink.