Woman jokes

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.

When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"

Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.

There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.

Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?

She started her period.

Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.

They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."

"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.

Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.

Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.

Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???

Daina (😌): I know, right?

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

How do you know a woman is blind?

Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.

I like my coffee like my women.

Amateur.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?

"Nice tits."

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

She be hubba on my bubba till I gum.

Why is it that skinny men like fat women?

Because they need warmth in winter, and shade in summer.

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

What's the difference between women and men?

Men have rights.