Woman

Woman Jokes

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

๐Ÿค” ๐Ÿ˜ณ ๐Ÿ˜ซ ๐Ÿ˜• What do you ๐Ÿ“ž ๐Ÿค” ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜œ ๐Ÿค” ๐Ÿ˜ call physically handicapped โ™ฟ homophobic heterosexual men and woman in wheelchairs? โ™ฟ mixed nuts ๐Ÿคช ๐Ÿ˜œ ๐Ÿคช ๐Ÿ˜œ ๐Ÿคช ๐Ÿ˜œ ๐Ÿคช ๐Ÿ˜œ ๐Ÿคช ๐Ÿ˜œ ๐Ÿคช ๐Ÿ˜œ ๐Ÿคช ๐Ÿ˜œ ๐Ÿคช ๐Ÿ˜œ ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘ฉ ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘ฉ ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘ฉ ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘ฉ ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘ฉ ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘ฉ ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘ฉ ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘ฉ ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘ฉ ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘ฉ ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘ฉ ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘ฉ

A women brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and request further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his had and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs of quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, my beloved hamster is dead. "I'm sorry for your loss", the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars" says the vet. "what? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

So this woman woke up since she had a bad dream and was yelling about her bad dream then in the bed her husband woke up and said "Hey You Just Woke Me Up In A Sweet Dream" she said "Oh Sorry Babe" then she asked him what was his about then he responded like "I was with a woman me and her was in the middle of dreamy sex you just ruined it" she said "AAAAh" he asked her what her dream was about then she replied as "I was trying to suck a mans Penis and A cock trying to get cumpiee out of it"!

i always felt like a man trapped in a womans body. But then I was born.

But In my defense , I was young then and I had a womb without a view.

How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick? when there is blood coming out of dick instead of sperm

Woman- Whatโ€™s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich

Husband- I know! How about you COMEBACK with a godda*n sandwich?

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping, after all they are iNdePendEnt and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want

9

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her. "Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fullfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.

A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says "Bartender, I want to buy that douche bag a drink". The bartender says "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!". The drunk says "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink". The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?". She says "Vinegar and water"

A young woman goes for for her first gynecological exam and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute. The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful Vaginas heโ€™s ever seen and he has seen Lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes num num num num num!!!

A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970 and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband. She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.

Wait, what? Was he actually her husband. He was a christian so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.

Wait, what? the bible doesn't say that.

Actually yes it does and marital rape was legal until 1990.

WAIT WHAT? Thats not funny.

I'll tell ya whats funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.

can we have sex because if we dont i cant like you big thick BOOTY! ;]*so lets have sex in bed you sexy woman or behind a tree because shoving my dick in your P***y is a very nice feeling while sucking your A*s

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when a ugly stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her "oh baby you so hot let's fuck" she just yells "get the fuck away you creep" he just laughs and says alright i wait down there.