Woman jokes

There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.

Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.

When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"

Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?

She started her period.

Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.

They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."

"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.

Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.

Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.

Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???

Daina (😌): I know, right?

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?

The back of my hand.

I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"

I like my coffee like my women.

Amateur.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

How do you know a woman is blind?

Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?

"Nice tits."

Why is it that skinny men like fat women?

Because they need warmth in winter, and shade in summer.

She be hubba on my bubba till I gum.

What's the difference between women and men?

Men have rights.