A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
My Wife: how much do you live me?? Me:count all the stars.My Wife: aww infinity. Me:No a waste of time.
i was digging in a garden once a found a chest full of gold i wanted to show my wife but then i thought why i was digging in the first place
What's the difference between, my wife and her sisters? Her sisters ate hotter and I married the grenade.
My wife is a whore so I pimped her out and broke her mentally and emotionally, taught her a good lesson of being a real woman loyal to her man, end of story you women are bitches
My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.
My wife said she wanted to leave me she said it’s because of the abuse but really she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got positioning the next day this shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physical and mentally
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red? My ex wife.
What do you call lesbians having sex? My cheating dyke ex wife!
My wifes always nagging me, you dont let me have any friends, i abuse her and im always coming back late, so i thought i would treat her, i popped up in the attick and introduced her to two women.
Tescos slogan is every little helps, Well there bag did a wonderfull job on suffocating my wife
My wife said why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely
Thank fully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up emily in the bottom of the ocean
My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golfclubs
I must of drove that chihuahua 300 yards
My indian wife said last night if her fanny would taste like vindaloo curry, i said ive smelt your fucking armpits youve got no chance
A man sits in a bar and get seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics. The bartender asked, "What's wrong sir?" The man reply's, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me." The bartender says, " put 20$ in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash." So the man walks out the with 20$ he put in his shirt pocket. The next day the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?" The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me 20$ bucks for the wash." The wife pull out the money. "There is 40$-", says the wife. "Oh, he also peed on me he paid for the wash to." The man walks away in belif he didn't get caught by his wife.
My wife said to me you really have no sense of direction do you? I said where the fuck did that come from?!
does donald know his wife is mexican?
What cigarettes Churchill's wife likes to smoke Blue Winston
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
when the husbon said you is your ass so big she said because im holding my shit
