Why jokes

Friend

  • Funny things or weird things to say to someone.

    Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.

    It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!

    Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.

    Baby-Bugga-Boo.

    Fuzzkins.

    Lumpy.

    Nilly.

    Ninty Minty.

    and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!

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    Suicide

  • Me, calls the police*

    Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!

    Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.

    Me: Why, so you can then stop me?

    Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!

    Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!

    Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!

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    Symptom

  • - .... . / .-- --- .-. .-.. -.. / .. ... / -. . ...- . .-. / .- / -. . ...- . .-. -....- . -. -.. .. -. --. / .... . .-.. .-.. / .... --- .-.. .

    A block of black text on a white background describes someone's worry and possible fear. It mentions irregular heartbeat, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness, pale skin, vomiting blood, and screams. It also mentions that someone's information was a lie and that something is horribly wrong with this family. The text concludes that Elyssa is screaming loudly.
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    Jesus

  • Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??

    Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋

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    Vampire

  • I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.

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    Orphan

  • Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.

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    Wife

  • H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?

    W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.

    *Later that day*

    W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?

    H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.

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