You: “Knock knock.” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf.” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house!”
*Apple bottom jeans plays*
Who is the fastest reader? 9/11, it went through 10 stories in 7 seconds.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
Knock knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No silly, cows go moo!
Why did a minister who is a Christian nationalist and a bisexual man give anonymous blowjobs to physically handicapped gay men under the handicapped stalls inside the men's restrooms at a rest area?
He wanted to eat footlong hotdogs for lunch at the rest area, but he wanted a sample first (taster).
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?
Hangman.
Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who are they gonna cry to? Their parents?
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.
So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"
Who needs April 1st if your whole life is already a lie?
