A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit” girl says “who” boy goes “ my ass cheeks”
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs. *knock knock* Who's there! Not Sarah.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted? It was quite a shocker.
I saw this one quote of the people who smile the most are covering the most pain I think this is true just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends but with my parents and family I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do. I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe 22/24 but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate saying I would tell her that my depression got worse she went along with it but I haven't told my mum and I know make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens? A chicken tender
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg. P1: Why did the chicken cross the road? P2: To get to the other side DUH?!? P1: No dumbass, its to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me). P2: Holy shitr u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
Why does Mexico not have a good athletics team? Because anyone who can run or jump is already over the wall.
Me: My gf broke up with me yesterday and I had her wheel chair
Me: guess who came crawling right back
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells who the fuck fucked my wife. The bartender answers "Mate you ain't got enough bullets."
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you ♥️.
What do you call ur Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunilingus? A Curry Muncher
Last night I burned an orphanage there was one survivor who said I would regret it I said "What are you gonna do tell your parents?"
Knock knock, who’s there? Queen, Queen who? You don’t know the queen you’re crazy
You: “Knock knock” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house”
*Apple bottom jeans plays”
who is the fastest reader, 9/11, it went though 10 stories in 7 seconds
“Mum I just won this phone in a race!” “Who was in the race?” “The owner of the phone And the police I think they’re at the door to congratulate me!”
doctor: you need to eat healthy
me: no
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after i suggested it died
me: oh my goodness
doctor: in a plane crash
me: that sounds unrelated
doctor: i'm the one that crashed it. do not disobey me
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler
Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elf-is Presley!
