What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
There are people who are beautiful, and then there are people whom I won't rape.
Who are the fastest readers in the world? The 9/11 terrorists went through like 78 stories in 7 seconds.
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.
*knock knock*
Who's there!
Not Sarah.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
Why does Mexico not have a good athletics team? Because anyone who can run or jump is already over the wall.
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."
What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you ♥️.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
Who can drink 20 liters of fuel without dying? A jerrycan.
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
