When jokes
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
When your mom says: "Theres still something inside"
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
When an orphan takes a pic, is it known as a family picture? 📸
Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat, she made a whole species extinct.
Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?
A: I'd hit that.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."