When jokes

When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital, immediately the maternity ward was put on lockdown.

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat, she made a whole species extinct.

Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.

what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?

Panera dead.

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.

Today, I had an exam in school. When I was done, I raised my hand and yelled, “Pisstiano Penaldo!”

My teacher smiled and took my paper. She knew I was finished.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.

Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

Predator 2.

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?