When jokes

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw them some laundry.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?

A. A Notsee.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

Q. What do you get when you cross a mentally disabled person with a pedophile? A. Jeffy Epstein.

A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.

What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.

When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!

When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.

When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Hit your wife harder.

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?

She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!

The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.

What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?

“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”