When jokes

When I die, I want my body to be cremated.

And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!

When you see your friend, you call the police, but they just moan.

What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?

A miscarriage.

What's hot and hard?

Me when I look at children.

Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?

A. May your baby rest in pieces.

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

When Canadians get hurt, they don't go "ouch," they go "ooch!"

"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."

When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?

Yo mama so disgusting that when she took a shower, the water turned into ditchwater.

You're so ugly that when The Oh Hellos saw you, they were like "Oh Bye!"

I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."

Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.

How do you know if a rapper's broke?

When he starts dropping cents instead of bars.

When a pregnant lady gives birth, it looks like she is having an erection.

Q. What do ghosts do when they get hurt?

A. They call an AmBOOlance.

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

Your mama is so ugly that when she stood on the scale, it said "to be continued."

Your mom's so fat, when she entered a fat contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"

Yo momma so slutty, when she got a throat swab, the lab found eight different types of semen on her tonsils.

Yo mama so fat, when she went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."