When jokes

What would you call the previous president when he is having a bad day?

Donald Grump.

What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?

Two Aussie.

Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?

A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.

What did the dog say when he came home from a long shift at work? Today was ruff.

Don't you hate it when you sit on your balls? It's a real nutcracker!

Y'know what's really sad?

Why break the fourth wall when you can turn the third wheel?

When you are losing at Tetris, I guess the odds are STACKED against you.

Yo mama so fat when she asked for a bathtub, they put a blanket over an ocean!

Why were people sad when John F. Kennedy got shot? All he got was head.

What did the customer say when Beef a Roo made him a bacon cheeseburger?

Thank a Roo.

What is a good night's sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk walk home from school. Was your time I had dinner night night? Dinner night, is it fun for me? I o I had dinner.

When Canadians get hurt, they don't go "ouch," they go "ooch!"

"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

You're so ugly that when The Oh Hellos saw you, they were like "Oh Bye!"

Yo mama so disgusting that when she took a shower, the water turned into ditchwater.

Your mama is so ugly that when she stood on the scale, it said "to be continued."

Yo mama so fat, when she went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."

Your mom's so fat, when she entered a fat contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"