When jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she ate one cheeseburger, she pooped it out immediately because her butt was too big.

Me: When I saw an orphan on the street in rags.

Also me: Are you okay?

Orphan: Yeah, what gave it away?

Me: Because you have no family.

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk?

Nothing... she couldn't tell.

I was baking a cake when I saw some egg shell in the mix. I said, "You've got to be yolking me!"

What does a butt do when it is angry?

Butt crack!

Me and my friends were talking. Then we started talking about our wives. I said, "So, I married a volcano for a wife. You never know when she will blow up."

You’ll need a bib when you’re done eating my ribs.

How did Jesus kill himself?

He fell from his bike.

How many times did he die?

Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.

Why did the orphan kill himself when he found out who his dad was? Because he found out his dad was Donald Trump.

What do you expect when you get out of a bar?

Your mom naked LOLOLOLOL.

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?

You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

When you pull out, but the baby's face turns blue.

When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”

"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”

“Where do you come from?"

"Rome."

“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"No, Rome, Italy, of course."

“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”

To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"

"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"No, Rome, Italy, of course."

"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”

Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"

"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"Rome, Italy."

"No, sorry, never heard of him.”

Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"

"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"He says Rome, Italy."

"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"

An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."

The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"

The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"

The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.

Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.

Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"

What do you get when Glen fucks an orange?

Adam.

Yo mama is so fat, when she sat on Black Temple, it became Sunken Temple.

Me when I find my sister's diary: oooooo!

What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped?

While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.

Yo mama so fat, when she went into an elevator, she had to go down.

What does a cow sound like when in a horror house?

Moo mooo moooooooo (screaming)!