When jokes

What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?

Two Aussie.

You're so fat when you walk into the mall, you *are* the mall.

Your mama is so ugly that when she stood on the scale, it said "to be continued."

Yo mama so poor, when I rang her doorbell, she said, "Ding!"

Your mama is so far that when she told a joke, no one was laughing, but the floor was literally cracking up.

When I saw someone jump out of one of the towers, I yelled, "Do a flip!"

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."

Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.

How do you know if a rapper's broke?

When he starts dropping cents instead of bars.

What did the parrot say when it saw a duck?

"Polly want a quacker!"

Worst joke ever.

Yo mama so fat, when she went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."

When you ask your brother where his hairline is, and he points where it's supposed to be, and you say, "I don't see one there."

When you see someone, you say, "Go suck bananas."

When someone says don't talk back to me, say, "I wasn't aware that answering a question was considered talking back."

What's brown and white with red all over?

Terrorists when they went into the Twin Towers.

What do you get when you mix a white guy and a fire?

A firecracker.

The person next to me on my flight was shocked when they found out I was Arabian. I lagged so hard my gerber almost fell out of my pocket.

Once upon a time, the end was what? When? How? End meow.

What do you get when you cross mums and makeup?

Beauty!

When your wife takes 30 minutes to get ready.

Me: Takes five minutes.

Me: Hun, you done yet?