When jokes

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?

I would roast you, but the mirrors do when you look at them.

When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.

When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.

What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.

when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?

Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.

3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?

Answer: Chi-ca-go

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because when they spawned in a Minecraft world, all they got was plains.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?

Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.

When earthquakes hit, coffins become maracas underground.

Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?

A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"