When jokes

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.

You won't feel lonely anymore :(

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"

The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.

What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.

when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?

Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.

Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?

A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

Lord: "My dog died?!"

Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"

When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?

So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.