When jokes

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.

Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.

We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.

The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.

Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.

"I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."

The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.

"It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4

LIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

DISLIKE: When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

Vote for the better joke. Semifinals are later or tomorrow.

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

I'll try not to post jokes about disabled people anymore.

I shouldn't kick a guy when he's Down's.

What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.

How can you tell when a female became a rape victim? She crossed herself out, hanging by with a Carlton dry.

When you get injured 😢

When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩

Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"

Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.

Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!

When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!

Later!

Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.

One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.

What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher? An erection.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.