When jokes

When does Friday come before Thursday?

In the dictionary.

Yo mama's so stupid, when they said it was chilly outside, she grabbed a bowl.

Yo mama's so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.

When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.

What stresses a baby strawberry out?

When its mom is in a jam.

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.

I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"

I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.

The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?

"What a re-leaf."

I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?

Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.

I asked the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

Sometimes orphans can't win spelling bees because they don't know how to spell "home."

Your mom is so fat that when she went on top of one of the Twin Towers, it collapsed.

Q: What do bloods eat when they get sick?

A: Chicken noodle suwoop.

Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”

Your mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."