When jokes
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄
How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.
When your mum tells you to help your granny.
And you unplug life support!
What did the Orphan say when he Googled Orphan jokes?
I would say these jokes hit home, but there is no home to hit.
What's the difference to a kamikaze and bin Ladin?
Bin Ladin survived when he went into a building. I have aids.
Memes
I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
Yo mama so fat that when she gets in the truck, it breaks.
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
"What a re-leaf."
When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Why is it so punny when Sans tells a joke in the evening?
Because a SANSET is happening.
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
Yo mama's so stupid, when they said it was chilly outside, she grabbed a bowl.