When jokes
When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"
What did the soldier say when he saw a terrorist in a wheelchair?
"An RC-XD!"
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
Yo mama is so ugly that when she turned on the TV, it changed channels by itself.
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body.
Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?
You: What?
Me: She let it go, let it go!
When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!
A man goes for a pee in a haunted house.
He unzips his pants at the urinal when a man dressed as a goblin chuckles next to him. "You got a small dick, buddy," the man says to him.
There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"
When you are stressing from homework, just do some skateboarding and kick butt.
Ur momma's so fat that when she became a spy her codename was OObese.
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
What did the human say to the fly when it was buzzing around the human's head?
"Would you stop bugging me!"
Yesterday I had a party.
I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.
I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!
Yesterday I had a party in my basement.
I got questioned a lot about 5 dead kids in the corner shut in a box. I did that when I was 13, damn I forgot about them!
When I mist, I miss.