When jokes
Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
"Aye, matey."
I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.
We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.
Dear doctor,
I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?
Yours Truly, Ray Palp
Your hairline is so bad when I looked at you, I had to use accessibility.
What do you get when you combine a planet and an apple?
Mario.
Why can't a dodo fly? Cus it suicided when it saw you will be born soon.
What does NASA say when they don’t want to go in space: Never Access Space Again.
When the imposter is sus! Ahahaha ding ding ding ding ding ding ding! Dididing! Dun dun! Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding! Ding ding ding didididing!
Why did the Democrats act like an asshole when Rush Limbaugh was alive?
Because they fear him.
A kid is learning about planets in school, when he hears the planet Uranus. Knowing it's the perfect opportunity for a joke, the kid replies, "Where's my anus?"
What's the sound that dwarfs make when they have sex?
Broken plates.
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"
When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.
What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”
Reply back with “Because you were born.”
Me when:
So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍
VOTING SEMIFINAL 2
LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke.