When jokes

There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.

Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.

Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.

Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.

How can you tell when your sister is on her period?

Your dad's knob tastes funny.

What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?

"We are in the endgame now!"

When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"

I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!

What time is it when you get home? Can you walk me home, and then get home? Then I can walk you home, and walk home.

I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.

What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)

There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!

Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.

69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120

58008 (flip calculator)

Boobless.

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?

I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.

I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.

No one goes in there without my permission!

I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.

I got jealous when my phone died.

Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

What is an orphan's favorite day?

Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?

The worst shits you'll ever see!

My brother thinks he's cool when he just SMELLS.