When jokes
When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.
What happened when the emo tried to high five a tree?
It left him hanging.
Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.
What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?
Panera fed.
Credit to RogueRobot for this one:
What does Panera sleep in?
Panera bed.
You can only say "Kobe" now when you're playing flight simulator.
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
Yo mama so fat, when she falls, they have to call 999 and a crane to pick her up.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
Joe mama so fat when she weighs herself, the weigh explodes.
Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!
My friend's mom: Why you bully me?
I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.
When I hotline bling, I only need one thing.
What do you call Hitler when he gets thrown?
A gas grenade.
Yo momma's so fat, when she gets an abortion, she can feed the entire country of Africa leftovers.
Q: What did the late cannibal get when he got to the party?
A: A cold shoulder.
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.
Q: Why are orphans so successful? A: Because when they were younger, they got told, "Go big or go home," and only had one option.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
Gock gock gock ghghghkghlhglhglhk.
You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!
What happens to teeth when they go in water?
Bro, I dunno, they get wet?
Why did the dwarf laugh when he walked on the field?
The grass was tickling his balls.