When jokes

Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"

My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:

I got it from her when I was born.

I have 206 bones, but when I see you, I have 207.

Pokemon Jokes!

What do you do when your Loudred evolves?

Buy more earplugs!

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.

Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.

What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.

Just remembering the day when the Jets beat the New York Giants.

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.

I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...

You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on, people look at him and think... "Aw, fuck."

What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?

Panera Fred.

What do you call it when Panera Bread gets painted red?

Panera Red.

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

What did the frog do when his car broke down?

It was toad.

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

Your hairline is so bad, when people see the back of your head they say "nice beard!"