When jokes
When people tell me to "go to hell," I tell them their address.
What happens when a depressed kid tries to give a tree a high five?
The tree leaves him hanging :)
When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, it cracked.
Yo mama is so small that when she saw the Titanic, she called it the size of the Netherlands.
Memes
Yo mama is so fat, when she wore yellow, the kids thought they missed the bus.
Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"
When Helen Keller tries singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl,
Aaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaa.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND the house.
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
What do you get when you mix alcohol with literature?
Tequila Mockingbird.
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
Whatβs the difference between a feminist and a suicidal vest?
A suicidal vest actually works when triggered.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
When you tell an Asian kid itβs raining cats and dogs and heβs like, βJust open your mouth and close your eyes!β
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?
Because he did not have one.
What did the Indian say when he bumped into someone else?
"Sari."
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."