When jokes

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.

Yo mama so fat when she sits down, she sits next to everyone!

Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.

What is the difference between a broom and a mop?

It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.

What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?

Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!

What do you call it when a gay guy eats Cheerios?

Fruit Loops.

What did God say when he made the first woman?

"Where is your dick at?"

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.

What do you call it when a gay guy farts?

An abortion.

What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?

Hitler knew when his career was over.

What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?

Panera instead.

Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?

They hate it when you hand it to them.

What do you get when you mix alcohol with literature?

Tequila Mockingbird.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Frostbite.

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

Jesus was drinking when he made you.

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.