When jokes

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Yo mama so fat, when she went on the elevator, it went down.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Why? You ask.

Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.

You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat, a running person behind you shouted, "Taxi!"

Guess what you get when you cross a dark side and your king?

I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)

What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"

When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.

I get jealous when my phone dies.

This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.

When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)

Q: What's the difference between a prison and a concentration camp?

A: At least you don't die when you shower.

Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?

Boy's pants are half off.

What do you call it when an orphan goes to Panera Bread?

"Panera, my parents are dead."

What do you call it when Panera Bread is a book?

Panera Read.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.