When jokes
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A boner.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
I screamed "Jenga" today when watching the 9/11 documentary.
Where does Hitler look first when he loses something? The attic.
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.
But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...
When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.
When I woke, I was being sexually abused.
Who needs April Fool's when your life is a joke?
Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?
Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...
What do we want? Plane noises!
When do we need it? Neeooooooowwwww!
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."
I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
I've been told I've got a perfect cock.
She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?