When jokes
Whenever you wanna roast an orphan, say "yo mamma".
What does Michael Jackson say when he stubs his toe?
Ow!
If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A boner.
I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."
I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
I've been told I've got a perfect cock.
She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.
When I woke, I was being sexually abused.
Who needs April Fool's when your life is a joke?
Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.
Real emo: same.
Fake emo: another piece of cake.
Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.
Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.
But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...