When jokes

What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?

"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She choked.

Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.

What does Michael Jackson say when he stubs his toe?

Ow!

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.

If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn.

Whenever you wanna roast an orphan, say "yo mamma".

What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?

At least you don’t die when you shower.

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."

Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.

So I don’t get pepper sprayed.

I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.

Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?

A boner.

Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.

Real emo: same.

Fake emo: another piece of cake.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

Who needs April Fool's when your life is a joke?

When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.

When I woke, I was being sexually abused.

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...

Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Where does Hitler look first when he loses something? The attic.

Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.