When jokes

I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?

So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.

What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?

Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.

Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?

Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.

Yo mama so fat, when I went to the beach, the sun went down.

Yo momma's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

What is six inches, goes in your mouth, and it's fun when it vibrates? A toothbrush.

When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!

What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?

They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.

What is the worst tool to play when playing the game “Icebreaker”?

The Titanic.

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.

You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.

What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?

When you drop them both, everyone screams.

What do you call it when a man wants food in Panera?

Panera bread serving food.

I bet emo kids are jealous when their phone dies.

What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?

It's funnier when kids get it.