When jokes
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).
So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Roses are red, violets are blue, When I see you, I play with my poo.
What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.
What do you call it when Panera Bread is running away?
Panera fled.
Me when the your, uh, uhhhh, when your me when the your, uhhh, uhhhhh, mom.
What is 6" long, bright red, and your wife cries when you feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Today when I looked in the mirror, I stopped and simply said: "It's ok, what's inside matters the most, right?"
Your forehead is so big that when you put glasses on top of your head, it falls off.
Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
When the Mexican wanted to go shopping,
he went to Ja-mall.
I hate cereal, lol.
What I say when I eat cereal: "Ewww!"
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What do you get when a dinosaur farts?
A blast from the past!
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.