When jokes
"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....
What's in a man's mouth when he realizes he's gay?
A dick.
When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.
Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂
If you know it, you know it.
Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls.
What does an electric-type Pokémon say when they get gassy while drinking milk?
I’m Zaptos intolerant!
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.
What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?
I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
Why can't orphans really play baseball?
Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
Why does Donald Trump love little boys?
Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little cocks.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.
Ur mum is so fat that when she lived in a flat on the highest floor, she fell through the inner floor.
Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."
Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."