When jokes

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Yo mama so fat, when she went on the weighing scale, it said, "To be continued."

Yo mama so fat, when she went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."

You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.

How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?

What's black and white and red all over?

The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.

When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"

And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."

Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."

And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"

And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"

And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"

And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

When you have erectile dysfunction, it could be expressed as the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"

I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.

Why is that a joke?

Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.

Why is that a joke?

Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?

Why is that a joke?

She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.

No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.

When did the cheetah steal from the bakery?

On Black Friday!!!

What do you call an orphan when they eat a meal? A family dinner.

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to the ugly club, they said, "Sorry, professionals only!"

When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?

What do you get when you mix a cow with an earthquake??

Milkshake.

When you're in the World Trade Center and you connect to airplane wifi.

When you're in the World Trade Center and you connect to airplane wifi.

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

What happens when a frog's car breaks down?

It gets toad away!