When jokes
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.
When did the cheetah steal from the bakery?
On Black Friday!!!
What do you call an orphan when they eat a meal? A family dinner.
Yo mama so ugly, when she went to the ugly club, they said, "Sorry, professionals only!"
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
What do you get when you mix a cow with an earthquake??
Milkshake.
When you're in the World Trade Center and you connect to airplane wifi.
When you're in the World Trade Center and you connect to airplane wifi.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
It gets toad away!
What happens when the Twin Towers breathe? They collapse like an orphan with stage 4 cystic fibrosis who lives in the streets of Africa.
What does a volcano say when it has a runny nose?
"I have runny volcanoes."
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?
A blast from the past!
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
You should wear binoculars when calculating. It helps divide.
Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.