When jokes

Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND the house.

I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)

"When is the best time to commit suicide?"

Ate a Glock in the morning.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?

Goddammit, Jamal!

I cried when my mom started to cut up onions... onions was a good dog.

What happens when a furry takes over Nazi Germany?

The Furred Reich.

There are 206 bones in my body.

When I look at you, it becomes 207.

Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.

What happens when you have dry elbows at work?

You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.

I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.

I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.

I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

Bro told me this when he passed away.

I’m “Fading.”

What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?

When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.