When jokes
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
What did the chicken say when he crossed the road?
Quack!
Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs, and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: "Super cauliflower, eggs, but cheese was quite atrocious." (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale
When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
I know a baby carrot when I see one.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:
Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.
(I would never do that though I love puppies)
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.
When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"