When jokes
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”
Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
I love my family when they're buried alive.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
Time is like a machine, it slows down when beaten.
Yo mama so fat, that when she gets in a monster truck, it becomes a low-rider!
What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.
Your mama is so fat that when she was playing online, she crashed the whole server.
Csgo is just practice for when you want to one tap some 3rd graders
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish store?
"Hello Ladies!"
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?