When jokes
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
What happens when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?
Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
Yo mama is so fat that when she put on a yellow dress, people called her "taxi."
Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?
Why?
So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!
A guy goes to the store to buy thyme.
When he got back to put the thyme away he realized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing, it was just a big waste of your thyme.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
What did the chicken say when he crossed the road?
Quack!
Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs, and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: "Super cauliflower, eggs, but cheese was quite atrocious." (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale
When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.