When jokes

A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.

The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.

I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

Why use Heathrow when we have your forehead?

I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.

I started crying when Dad began to cut onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

Who needs sex when they have Valorant?

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.

Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

What does a Chinese do when you throw an apple at him? Ka-ching!

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?

Slim Shady.

What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?

"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"

When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.

Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.

Real emo: same.

Fake emo: another piece of cake.

I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"

I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!