When jokes

Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"

The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."

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    • What did Stephen Hawking say when trying to talk to a reporter? Beep boop beep beep boop.

    When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.

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    • Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"

    Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.

    Yo mama's so fat that when she went sky diving, she caused another global extinction.

    What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?

    Orphan: "My Parents."

    Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."

    Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."

    Yo mama is so fat that when I was printing a picture of her last year, it's still printing.

    Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

    Here’s another joke my friend told me.

    What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

    The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"

    The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."

    The circular saw would reply with, "What?"