When jokes
Yo mama is so ugly, when she looked at the mirror, I cracked up.
Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.
Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!
Women be like, "Men's heights," then cry when they get called fat...
Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.
What does Michael Jackson say when he stubs his toe?
Ow!
Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Why is a ball rolling when you put it on a hill?
Because it is circle.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?
They don't have parents to protect them.
When you lock the door, but you realize it's a pull open door!
Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.
Why couldn’t Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff?
Because she was wearing mittens.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.
I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.
Why use Heathrow when we have your forehead?