When jokes
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!
Yo mama is so fat that when she jumps, the earth was shaking!
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.
I bet when you were born, the doctor looked away because of your virginity.
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.
Your forehead's so big, when you were being born, the doctors thought you had no face.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?
Me: Oh, I wan-
Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.
Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.
Computers are females because when they're down, you always charge her.
When I was very young...
My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.
They are rapists now.