When jokes
I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.
I started crying when Dad began to cut onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
Who needs sex when they have Valorant?
Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...
Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.
Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )
Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
What does a Chinese do when you throw an apple at him? Ka-ching!
I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.
What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?
Slim Shady.
What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.
Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.
Real emo: same.
Fake emo: another piece of cake.
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
Joe Mama so fat that when Santa came to our house he said, "Ho ho HOLY SHIT, she damn thick."