When jokes
People are like trees. They fall when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
EXPERIMENT SUCCESSFUL 😱😱 Scientists have created an element named Pessomium 😳😳
Characteristics: - Highly reactive only in Bolivia and Panama 😡🤬 - Turns invisible when in Brazil or Uruguay 🥵🤧 - Finished 😹🤕 - 0 protons 0 electrons 0 goals 0 assists 7 debuts 🥶
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.
When you find out your great grandpa killed Hitler.
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
Hey guys! Ello here with an update!
I know I haven't been doing a lot of jokes lately, so I will make sure to do that, but I have something to say! I am going to Disneyland today!! So here is the plan. Today we are going to leave around 2 and go to Downtown Disney for dinner and check into our hotel and stuff like that. Then we are going to wake up bright and early tomorrow and go to Disneyland and stay 'til midnight, and then on Monday we are going to California Adventure! I am missing school on Monday! I'm so excited! And don't worry, I will make sure to tell you guys all about it when we get back. Love y'all!
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light!" she blocked the sun. Now we call her the moon.
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.
What did the orphan's parent say when he got bad grades?
Nothing, he doesn't have any.
What does Marcus Rashford say when he comes to the stadium?
I wanna kick some balls!
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.
What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?
The worst shits you'll ever see!
When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,
other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."
Yo mama so dumb, when Fox Five said it's chilly outside, she brought a bowlllllll!
When I walk to school, I fart.