When jokes
What did Michael Jackson say when dinner was ready? Ea-ea-eat.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
What does Michael Jackson say when he grabs his crotch? I never noticed that before.
What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?
When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'