When jokes

What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.

When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?

When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

What’s a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?

How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.

What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?

Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?

You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.

I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.

I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.

Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?

So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.